May 9, 2012

Psycho Killer

OK, not really psycho killer, maybe just a little psycho.

I discovered (again) today that I am a weirdo.  In casual conversation with some co-workers, I mentioned that I occasionally beat people up in my mind.  All of them were stunned!  I couldn't understand their shock; didn't they do the same?  Turns out, they don't.

The conversation turned hilarious when my co-workers started describing me as their own version of Rocky- in MMA matches, choking people out with my legs, bruised and bleeding.  In other words, totally hardcore.  In other words, exactly the opposite of how I actually am.

While I would never want to commit an act of violence in my real life, I do imagine it at times.  I'd describe it as dramatized- the action always ranges from sterile to cartoonish.  People go down after I throw one amazing punch.  Or I deliver a roundhouse kick that Chuck Norris would envy and they bobble around and pop right back up with a smile plastered on their face.  It's like being the lead in an action movie whose target audience is 10 year old girls.

Sometimes, I do this when I'm mad about something.  Though usually if I'm angry, I just fume for a while.  Or do something that makes a satisfyingly loud, angry noise.  And then the anger cools, and I try to channel my frustration into improving whatever is bothering me or simply letting go of the issue.  I rarely lash out at people; I'm generally a conflict-avoidant girl.

Most often, when I do deal imagined violence, it's when I'm exercising.  When I feel my blood start moving, I just get a little... primal, I guess.  Haha!    

Tony Horton, the P90X guy?  I have punched his lights out more times than I can count.  And the satisfaction I get from mentally leveling him pushes me to keep going when I feel like quitting.  In fact, sometimes I think he tries to be annoying, just to help people like me.

What do you MEAN, 30 more seconds?!?!  I'm DONE with this JUNK!  *BAM!!*

Dealing with someone difficult?  I have mentally strapped duplicates of their face on the bottom of my shoes before I go running.  It's odd too, because their faces never get hurt- they just say "Oof!" and "Ouch!" every time I make a footfall (imagine the scene in The Princess Bride where Wesley hurls himself down the hill after Buttercup.  Yep.).  I find that I make faster time, and I am always better equipped to deal with that person the next time we cross paths.

Insert faces here; run a freakin' marathon without getting tired.

Can't seem to make headway with a difficult problem?  While I'm on an exercise machine or working out to a video at home, I imagine the tricky issue that's taking up all of my brainspace as a nondescript "bad guy" and go all Buffy the Vampire Slayer on it.  If you are unfamiliar, I submit this (sadly grainy) video as evidence:

My theory is that since my initial anger response is not a productive one, I try to crystallize the anger and channel it into something more useful.  Maybe there's some truth to that, or maybe I'm just full of it.  My coworkers thought it was more likely that I have an excess of testosterone from all the roids I've been using.

Am I really that different from most folks?  Maybe you shouldn't answer that.  I may be running on your face if I don't like what you have to say.

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